sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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