at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize