first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize