So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
