Christians are straight up FREAKS
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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