Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
