thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
