I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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