Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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