end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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