Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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