i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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