I'm going to jail i love you
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
