I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
