I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
