So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
