She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
