Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
