i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
