It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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