I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
