Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My liver just broke up with me...
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
