I wanna passion pit in your ass
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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