He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
