Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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