one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I have aggressive nipples.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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