I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
