Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
