Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
