i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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