i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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