she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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