The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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