Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
