He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
