she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
