I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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