He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
