Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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