I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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