When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
