I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
