Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
its liver damage thursday
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
