last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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