Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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