john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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