Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
