Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
