Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Boobs are out for the taking
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
