Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize