life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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