Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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