hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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