did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
