never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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