There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
