Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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