Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
