There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
