standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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