That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
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