I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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