and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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