Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
