dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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