Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
