I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Hippo gnu deer
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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